Please…don’t read this if you aren’t a man over 40

I’ve been trying to kick start a blog for some time now. Problem is, I don’t have a niche.

You know, a determined, pre-conceived audience for whom I write.

A friend asked me point blank the other day, in response to my  post in a Writers & Authors Page on Facebook about not being able to find an audience with my blog.

She asked, “Who is your audience?” and I kinda thought to myself, um, well, I guess it’s… and my mental voice kinda trailed off at that point, like my 13-year-old’s does when I ask if he’s done his homework.

So, I thought about it, for like 12 seconds, as always, ’cause I like to make snap decisions (indecision ranks down there with my 16-year-old’s used sock smell) and I blurted (if one can blurt in a text message) that I supposed my audience was “Millennials who want to discover something about themselves.”

Honestly, the ONLY reason I said that crap was because:

     A. I didn’t like feeling stupid for not finding a target audience before starting my blog

     B. I didn’t want a girl who used to play keyboards at church as a teenager when I was a big muckety-muck youth pastor at the same church show me up with her simple question about who my target audience was

     C. My best friend’s son (who claims he’s a Millennial at age 20, but heck, my cousin’s 16-year-old daughter claims she’s a Millennial…bzzt WRONG!) claims he LOVED my blog posts and said they would totally connect with Millennials so I thought, Millennials, yeah. I’m hip. I thought I was writing to my peer group, but hey, I guess the young folks dig it more ’cause I’m so honest, or something.

For the record,  I Googled generational distinctions and Millennials were born between 1980 and 1995, according to a reliable source, the Center For Generational Kinetics… the reason for this is the emotional connection Millennials feel from 9/11 (September 11, 2001) and the Gen Z kids (born after 1995) were too young for a strong emotional experience related to that event when it happened. Some sources claim Millennials were born as late as 2000 but that leaves no personal connection to 9/11 so… nope.

Anyhoo, Millennial stuff now researched, my friend (who really is a Millennial) said many Millennials are too sensitive for my terms (retard, turd-breath, Republican, Bible thumper, light in the loafers, God-phobe atheist, sand Negro, Bathrobe head, and many other outlandish terms that I don’t really use but just might if so inclined and I’d just been ripped off by a street beggar who was really a disgruntled Postal Worker posing as a Homeless Person.

Read the above paragraph again if you want, but it won’t make much sense the second time, either.

Welp, anyways, I ditched the notion right then and there when my Millennial Friend suggested that her peers were too pussy to purr over my bluntness. So, I said, screw Millennials. Or, Gen Z’s who think they’re freakin’ Millennials. How about I just do this stupid blog post for myself?

That would mean you’d have to be a white, 50ish man who’s wife divorced him after a long time and several kiddos, leaving him confused and angry but pretending he’s doing well. That would mean my audience is composed of men who love God and Jesus and grew up going to church but feel like church is kinda wimpy and phony at worst, and a good place to meet people who want to care at best.

That would mean my blog would be geared toward guys who feel absolutely invisible at times and who feel like if they stripped naked and set themselves on fire in a crowded restaurant people would still push past him to get to the taco salad.

Bottom line is, I don’t think people of any culture or viewpoint or age or race or creed or color or religion or cult or background, be it Redneck, Rogue, or Refined, can collect enough interest to stop and read a blog these days, unless it’s followed by millions (or at least more than 6?) people on a regular basis.

I got ten or 12 likes on my last post and I felt pretty doggone superb about that, being that in the past post, I got like, um, zero to one  like (I think my Mom liking a post doesn’t really count). But, thanks Mom, if you’re reading this.

So please, don’t read this blog unless you’re a man over 40. You’re not my demographic. And, you have no business liking it.

Whether or not you like this blog, it’s for me. Your comments are always welcome, even if you aren’t a guy over 40!

John Cockroft isn’t crazy. He’s just not sure how to get a bigger audience. He believes his words hold value and his opinions matter. But then again, most people reading this feel that way about themselves. Hey, maybe everyone is his demographic, after all! JohnCockroft.com and 1ofakindonline.com for more about him.

Advertisements

How to get 100% customer satisfaction every time

How do you get 100% customer satisfaction every time? For a good source of frustration and inspiration, check out this fellow blogger.

In baseball, batting averages can be less than 4 out of 10. Those numbers look a bit more grim in the surgical world.

Imagine a baseball player retiring and looking for something to do. He’s flipping through a medical school brochure one day, and an idea hits him. He could become a brain surgeon in just 3,454 easy steps! (I know, it takes an imagination the size of Wrigley Field, but don’t leave your seat for the hot dog stand just yet.)

So, this retired MLB superstar batting hero whose been averaging 4 hits out of every 10 waltzes through medical school in a sweet full ride scholarship due to bad manners but good connections (his sister is the medical director’s mistress) and he lands a job at XYZ hospital.

It’s his first brain surgery and he’s sweating bullets. You know how rookies are. Especially when they’re used to big league standards, i.e.scratching yourself in front of 30,000 fans, spitting sunflower seed shells all over a multi-million dollar sports complex and getting rich on a 60 to 70 percent miss rate… steee-rike ONE!

Now he’s up to bat at the new job, doing his routine, popping his neck, popping and re-popping each knuckle, scrubbing up to his elbows, and finally trying to wrangle into a pair of medium-sized surgical latex gloves with wet hands…(where’s the blankesurgeonty-blank Larges when you need ’em? Mr. Jones is already under the ether and the surgical team is buzzing in the OR, clattering forceps, scissors, and adjusting the volume on the stereo.)

Our MLB big bat retiree arrives,  hoping no one notices his fingers poking from his latex mediums or the sweat rings forming under the arms of his pale blue pastel scrubs.  He’s focused. He’s in the zone. He’s used to big bucks and big crowds. This little bitty surgical room ain’t  diddly squat.

He takes his place at the plate. Before him is Mr. Jones’ shaved scull, ready for the saw.

Our MLB rookie brain surgeon spits into both shredded gloves, cracks his knuckles in unison for one final prep, and picks up the saw, waving it menacingly behind his right ear, waiting for the pitch as the surgical team stares in bewilderment.

HOW TO GET 100% CUSTOMER SATISFACTION

As you can imagine, the story doesn’t go well for our rookie brain surgeon. If you’ve grown accustomed to being a Big League-r, you’ll likely to get used to failing at bat more often than succeeding.

If you’re really a brain surgeon (or an engineer) you insist on things going well all the time. The results could be disastrous even if one foul ball occurs.

So, here’s the “happy medium” for those of you who miss the ball like a baseball batter, yet want the results of a successful surgery:

◊When mistakes occur, correct them yourself. 100%

◊If you can’t correct them yourself, get someone right away to do it who can

◊If you can’t correct the mistake as a team, immediately inform the customer and ask what you can do to ensure their satisfaction

REAL WORLD EXAMPLE

In my world, I am an illustrator. I draw a picture from someone’s photograph onto a canvas or a tee shirt. Pretty simple stuff. But, on a few occasions, the customer isn’t satisfied. However, I don’t hear about it at the time of purchase, because…

A. They don’t want to hurt my feelings (you know how sensitive artists can be!)

B. They already paid for it and it takes a while to regret their decision fully

My customers text message me their photos for me to create my illustration. So, in one instance, a customer text messaged me that she wasn’t happy with the results. (This was the next day). I answered that I was sorry for the unsatisfactory result and offered to re-draw her picture free of charge. I sent her a sample sketch, which she liked, and proceeded with the final product, which she picked up.

In another case, a customer lived out of town. I sent him a follow up message, stating that I hoped he enjoyed his art and he could get a discount if he placed a new order in the next 30 days. THIS IS IMPORTANT. If you ask for feedback, and offer an incentive, you can get more business AND determine where you’re slipping up.

When he replied that he wasn’t impressed, I again offered a free re-do. He complied, and liked the new version of his picture. This time, I had to mail it. All free of charge, of course.

And that, my friends, makes me now batting a thousand with my customers.

John Cockroft isn’t perfect. But, he tries. 1ofakindonline.com for his illustration business site.

.