What I want most I can never get

I’ll get right to the point. There is one thing on my wish list each Christmas…

Okay, it’s on my list even in the summertime. And in the Spring. And, yep, the Fall.

So, what’s this all season wish?

Let me first ask you, the reader: what is it that you want more than anything? Do you have a passion in life? Is there something you’d definitely not want to go a day without?

I realize those are two different questions. Let’s take the first question, Do you have a passion in life?

First, if you have a passion, such as mountain climbing, it may take a while to condition yourself to attain that goal. If you have a career goal, you know the drill. Set the timetable and write it down. Get advice from those who are where you want to be, etc. Having a passion can also be something you do but it isn’t getting you any real benefit, such as a passion for sex, alcohol, shopping, gossip, or lottery ticket buying, tobacco buying… all right, you can tell I’ve been around convenience stores too much.

Convenience stores aside, what is your passion in life? Does it make you a better person if you pursue it? Does it help others?

Next question: Is there something you’d definitely not want to go a day without?

Let’s get the obvious out of the way, such as oxygen, water, etc. Yes, we prefer to eat and sleep, but I suppose most of us would still be alive 24 hours later if deprived of food or sleep. But air? Kinda ranks high on the list.

Push aside the essentials, and what do I mean by is there something you’d not wanna go a day without? tobacco? caffeine? pornography? texting? Facebook? gossip? video games? TV?

What about those healthy choices, like daily exercise, Bible study, prayer, random acts of kindness? Yes, all good and healthy, per se, but what about your passion? What is your driving force?

This sounds like a motivational speech, doesn’t it?

So, be prepared to be a little less motivated.

My one thing I want but cannot get.

I’m passionate about creating art, literature and visual stories through video and photography. I’ve written books (check them out on Amazon) and appeared in a variety of films and stage plays. I’ve created artwork on T-shirts and canvas; in fact, that’s what I do for a living now. http://www.1ofakindonline.com

Let’s step back from passion, drive, ambition, goal setting… all the motivational stuff.

What do you want most?

Think about it before you answer.

What I want most is______________.

Let me know what your answers are. Comment below.

Ready for my one thing now?

Finally, here goes: The one thing I want most but cannot get is to have my children live with me.

Yep. That’s the thing on my wish list. I wish I could wave a magic wand and get the last six years back that my kids have been apart from me. It’s not their choice they had to leave. It sure isn’t mine.

But divorce happened. And because it happened, though I fought against it tooth and nail, it took my precious boys away from me. They were 12, 10, 7 and 1 when the separation occurred. It tore like a knife.

For details, see my book on Amazon “Divorced Christian Dad.”

The one thing I want, money can’t buy. The one thing I want, I can’t get by working on something, or improving who I am, or completing a seminar or going to counseling.

The one thing I want, to have my boys live under my roof, is the one thing I can’t get.

Even if I gained a ton of money and pursued custody in court, it wouldn’t buy back the six years I’ve lost.

That’s why things get a little weird for me. Not having the one thing I wish for most, and realizing that if I changed all my behavior to the “Billy Graham” setting of perfection, or if I had the “Bill Gates” income, or the “Brad Pitt” appearance, nothing could get me what I want most.

I’m stuck on a timeline in the course of eternity that happened to start in the 20th century and now continues into the 21st century. Then, scores of years hence, no one will remember me and I’ll be a distant memory to the few who knew my children or grandchildren.

Just like my great-great grandparents, I won’t meet my great-great grandchildren. Just like them, I won’t be talked about in the 22nd century. And, as time rolls on, or even if Christ returns in the rapture and the world ends in a ball of fire, I still won’t have had my children growing up in my household in the early 21st century the way they were supposed to.

No matter what happens or doesn’t happen in the Cosmos, John Cockroft won’t get full time custody of his kids.

If I could go back in time, I would. I would change everything that caused those kids to not be in my home. I accept responsibility for my mistakes. But I can’t cause those mistakes to have never happened.

What did I learn from my mistakes? That there’s nothing I can do to reverse them. No matter how good a person I become. No matter how much money I earn. No matter how influential and powerful I become.

Right now, I’d trade all the money, fame, power, and praise for the chance to raise my sons in my home rather than be a visitor every other weekend.

I hope you are reading this with hope. I hope you aren’t divorced, and that you still have your kids. Or, if you are young without kids, I hope you get married and stay married. And raise your kids all the way through.

My new wife and I have devoted our lives to making marriage popular again. Check out our YouTube channel “TwentyFourSevenMarriage”…

Chances are, John Cockroft is more transparent than you. That’s because ┬áhe’s a big-time muckety-muck professional blogger so don’t even try it on your own.

Advertisements